Lucy: Be safe! I love you
Joey: Okay. I was planning on driving recklessly and trying to get into an accident, but since you insist...fine. We'll be safe.
*mutual eye roll*
Lucy: *Cleans and does laundry in blissful solitude for several hours!*
Phone: *rings*
Lucy: Hello!
Joey: Hi. *long pause*
Lucy: What's wrong, babe?
Joey: Well, you know how you said to be safe and I kind of made fun of you...?
Kitchen: *spins icily around Lucy*
Lucy: yes?
Joey: Well...it was all so fast...everyone's okay, but...APRIL FOOLS!
Lucy: You're an ass. A big, smelly, hairy ass. You know that? AND FURTHERMORE...
Lucy's Words: *take on a decidedly unrefined quality and seem to imply a cessation of certain marital obligations*
Joey: You're on speaker phone, babe.
Lucy: I stand by what I said.
Lucy's Face: *turns all possible shades of red*
Joey: Just kidding, you're not on speaker phone. APRIL FOOLS AGAIN!
Lucy: Don't think I'm going to forget this, come next April first. DON'T THINK THAT FOR A MINUTE, MISTER! It's on.
Joey: I love you?
Lucy: Yeah, whatever. Just watch your back. If you can't find it, just look on the couch, because that's where you'll be sleeping for the next year.
The End.
P.S. In five years of marriage, though, I have never ONCE managed to make him sleep on the couch when I'm mad at him. NEVER. He just won't leave! Is this just a false cliche spread around by the media, or do all of your husbands obediently troop on out of the bedroom when you say so? I think it must be the media thing. Whenever I try that he just tells me that if I'm so mad I can go sleep on the couch. Which is okay, really, because if he actually did go sleep on the couch I would miss him and then I'd have to go tell him I'm sorry and ask him to come back to bed. But still. It's the principle of the thing. You're totally outraged on my behalf, right? Help me think of horrible, diabolical ways to get him back next April Fools, because I suck at pranking people.
P.P.S If all that doesn't incite you to rise up against my husband with torches and pitchforks and holy wrath, I ought to add that he went to see Hunger Games with me last night and hated Peeta. I rest my case.
Oh well I thought he was clever & charming until I read the Peeta part. LOL
ReplyDeleteI just love that you actually admit that had he gone to the couch you would have missed him, apologized and asked him to return to bed with you. You're too sweet for your own good! :)
ReplyDeleteWho hates Peeta? That's just wrong! Although I might have cast someone...taller.
ReplyDeleteOh my word - the speaker phone bit was pure brilliance! I've never told Jeff to sleep on the couch - but then again, I don't really get to order that man around :) I think it's mean to demand for the husband to sleep on the couch...and I never really got why that was a "thing", anyway. Besides. Wouldn't he just play XBOX all night? Where's the suffering in that?
ReplyDeleteOK, so we have ONE WHOLE YEAR to plot your revenge. We can do this.
That's funny. I kind of hate April fools. I guess it's because I don't like feeling like a fool...and it's always me being fooled, never me DOING the fooling. When my boyfriend and I fight, it's usually ME who storms off to the couch; it's just easier than trying to convince him to do it!
ReplyDeletei think your april fools should involve some fake blood... im usually more into the funny haha pranks, but after that preformance, he deserves it!
ReplyDeleteI've never gotten mine of 18 years to sleep on the couch just because I wanted him to. Even when he's sick he says, the sick person should get the comfy bed and the not-sick should get the couch. Except when it's me who's sick, then the sick person should definitely sleep on the couch.
ReplyDeleteI must admit, there have been a few times I've told my husband to sleep on the couch and he goes every time without a fight. Maybe he just wants to get away from me?
ReplyDeleteO.M.G. I am seriously rolling on the ground in laughter! He is a troll! I would of totally KILLED my husband! :) And P.S. My husband says THE EXACT SAME THING about sleeping on the couch! :)
ReplyDeleteHe definitely being a troll- A joke about your kids and a car accident is momma bear worthy. However I feel the same way about the couch. If I ever got it together enough to send him packing, I would end up going to get him in the middle of the night. It is a good thing he is such a loveable troll.
ReplyDelete