(Random sidenote: You know I love Twilight to distraction, so tell me, how weird is it that I think the previews for Vampires Suck look HILARIOUS? Even though there's a chance that it will be revolting and nasty like those Not Another movies, I kind of really want to go see it. Does anyone know if it was made by the same people?)
Anyway. The question that everyone I know keeps asking me is "What does Ariel think about the new baby?" Or some variation thereof. And the answer is, It's Complicated.
Ariel thinks that Nessie is just about the most amazing toy we have brought home since, um, EVER.
With a head that must be petted at every opportunity, and a nose and ears that need to be constantly identified and pointed out. In case we forgot what those things are called, you know.
And with a pacifier that needs to be constantly replaced.
In short, she is fascinated and enchanted in general, and mildly horrified any time Nessie cries, and thoroughly confused by the whole breast feeding concept. It is all so very interesting.
She loves her sister, and has since their first car ride home together. Even if car rides are horrible temptations to yank the blankets off the baby.
HOWEVER.
Ariel is totally and completely FURIOUS at me.
That whole three days of bedrest thing freaked her out, as did being put down and gotten up and fed and dressed and changed by a completely random and unpredictable contingent of people while I recovered. And then, to add insult to injury, once I DID get up and start trying to get things back to normal, I wasn't nearly so accessible as she remembered.
She wants me to hold her, constantly. And the tantrums that she throws when I just can't, they are kind of epic. In fact, cross her will in any way whatsoever, and you will unleash the beast.
And the unfortunate fact is, she just can't be the center of the universe right now. She has to wait more, and be more careful about flinging her body and her toys around, and entertain herself more. She really, really isn't happy about this.
The worst part is, I totally didn't see this coming! Ariel has always been the epitome of independence, and the person she was the most independent from was ME. It has always kind of hurt my feelings, and made me feel like maybe I wasn't a good mother on some level, because she has always been very much take-mama-or-leave-mama. Not that she would deign to actually CALL me mama, unless something dire was happening. She greets everyone at the door (and I mean EVERYONE) with ecstatic shrieks, and she wails despondently when anyone (ANYONE) leaves... except for me. My enthusiastic "HI MY BABY!" when picking her up from Kanga's house is always met with a careless glance before she continues playing whatever she was playing before I got there. Everyone is called by name... except for me. When we are home, the rule has always been that as long as she can see me and I am sitting more or less still, she has no need whatsoever for me. Unless she is hungry.
It has always stung a bit, but Ariel is wholeheartedly a Daddy's girl, and my joy in seeing their relationship has always taken most of the sting out of it. I don't know why things are this way, and maybe I HAVE done something wrong, or am just impossible to emotionally bond with, but anyhow, I was NOT expecting her to CARE that much that so much of my time is occupied with Nessie.
WRONG! She cares, a LOT. And calls me Mama now consistently. And doesn't want Joey to feed her or dress her or put her to bed... just me. And she wants my attention all the time.
And since that just isn't possible right now? She ends up spending a lot of time being very, very angry at me. Which absolutely breaks my heart, and makes me cry postpartum-ly, and wracks me with waves and waves (and WAVES) of guilt. But even so, I know she has to adjust, to learn to share time and love, and that she is young and resilient, etc.
It's a little easier now that we are almost at the three-week mark, and Nessie has stopped freaking Joey out with her fragility and fetus-like newborn appearance, and he's more willing to take her for a while so I can spend some time with Ariel.
I know it will all even out eventually, and we'll all get the hang of this family of four thing. I'm really looking forward to the day when I realize, hey, we're doing this!
Hang in there, it'll get easier. I noticed a big difference when Kayla was about 3 months old. And now at 7 months my girls are starting to play together. Before you know it you'll be thinking that it wouldn't be too hard with a third :)
ReplyDeleteHang in there babe, it'll get better! My mom said my brother didn't call her mama until after I was born and then it was always "mom." (He also tried to nurse his Mickey Mouse doll when he saw her nursing me, something I'm sure he'd love that was being revealed here).
ReplyDeleteI am 27 months older than my sister and there are so many photos of me poking and "helping" my mom when she was a baby. i love the name nessie for her on the blog!
ReplyDeletehopefully things will get easier, but you have such a great way of writing, i love it!
Awww...all along she was just so secure she knew you were the one she could blow off...now she's a little rattled. But don't worry, it will be okay. My boys are 21 months apart, and believe me, when they are older and they're playing together you'll be able to get some great blogging time in. Except when they want the same toy and a fight breaks out. But still. It'll be great, seriously. And I have to say, they are both sooo beautiful.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!! I can only get better from here. And who knows, when Ariel gets used to Nessie she might actually be able to help out ...some.
ReplyDeleteHow far apart are they? They look really close.
ReplyDeleteMy first two kiddos were 13 months apart. And when I first brought her brother home? My first was insanely furious at me. It took about 3 months for her to even out, and now they're the best of buds. Almost like twins, actually, in the way that they're inseparable.
Um, that you chose my suggested name has made my heart happier than I can convey. I feel like I am immortalized in your blog. Like I'm sitting at the Cool Kids table now! Clearly I have some weird imbalance in my self esteem ;)
ReplyDeleteYou know, my older boys didn't really have jealousy issues when their younger siblings were brought home. My oldest is a Daddy's boy and remained emphatically so when #2 arrived. #2 had his big brother to cling to and has always been an independent soul... also a fact that remained unchanged after another addition to the fam. But my youngest... Oh my. He NEEDS me. I am his SOULMATE. He doesn't even like it if I TALK to other babies at church. For reals. So we'll see how he reacts to big brotherhood. I think it could be ugly :D
I'm glad you posted this because I am on my way to the same situation myself. I keep wondering how Maria will react. How old is Ariel? Maria loves ''bee-bee''s, and she loves talking about the ''bee-bee'' in my belly, but you and I both know that a baby in the belly and a baby in Mommy's arms are two different things entirely to a 20 month old, which is how old she will be. I can't wait to see what's going to happen. Or maybe I can. Anyway...
ReplyDeleteOh, I love how Ariel says nose and ears. Maria thinks that's a conversation starter. She comes up to her daddy or me and says, cheerfully pointing, "Daddy! Nose!" In the morning she climbs into bed with us to wake us up and remind us that we both have eyes, and they hurt when baby fingers get stuck in them. :)
Have fun! Hopefully once Nessie gets bigger they will be best buddies.